MISSING IN ACTION
So yes I have been missing in action. Does anyone want to know why? Anyone? Nope didnt think so but who cares I am letting it all out anyway....
First of all, I am over-consumed in my classes like I have been for 95% of my life. Anatomy of the Human Skeleton...YUCK! I have taken 5 chemistry courses, countless of bio courses (from genetetics to microbiology), every math you can think of and I have YET to have a course as difficult as Anatomy Of the Human Skeleton. I wish I could show you my exam. He basically hands you a bone fragment and says "You have 20 seconds to tell me where this belongs and what it articulates with" YIKES! Even worse his study guide had over 100 key terms and bones....Now ask me how many questions were on there? Go ahead ask me....20!!!!!! Thats right 20 questions. So I basically over-studied, over exhausted myself, lost what felt like a decade of sleep for 20 questions. I do have one good thing to say about this class, my professor is HOTTTTT and officially Twisted Panties new neighbor. Now I am an engaged woman but eye candy can be quite pleasant. Definately satifies my sweet tooth!
Moving on....
I was offered a FANTASTIC job! This is the opportunity of a lifetime. A salary I never dreamed of making and connections for the future. My friends and family are really excited for me. Perfect right? Wrong!! I dont exactly know what is happening to me. I am not excited. All of a sudden I look at my academic career and feel like I have made a terrible mistake. I will have 2 degrees soon, a great job, but an incredible sense of failure. All of my life my father has pushed me towards the direction Im in. He chose my career. Made sure to pick the "safe" stable way to go. You have to believe me when I say that I had every intention of following my dreams, but it suddenly just became too hard. I didnt want to fight anymore. So I let the undertow take me along the path that had been chosen for me. Sounds ridiculous, a grown woman still doing what her daddy says is right. Well now I look at it all and feel like things should have been different. I should have fought that fight. All this time I blamed my father, but truth be told I was a coward. Regrets, Regrets, Regrets....What could I have done with my life? Couldnt tell you. I am not even sure I could tell you what my likes and dislikes are. I feel programmed. Maybe I should take a step towards self discovery. WOW sounds cheesy. I sound like I need a spot on Dawson's Creek. lol
Finally...My wedding...
Ok so a few days ago I recieve a call from my future mother-in-law with some interesting news. Now you need some background information. My future in-laws graciously offered to pay for mine and my fiances wedding. HOWEVER....a few days ago the bomb was dropped on me that they will not. My wedding is supposed ot take place in October...DEPOSITS HAVE BEEN MADE....PAYMENTS HAVE BEEN GIVEN....So I now have an incredible sense of panic taking over me. What do I do? I cant afford a $12000 wedding. Atleast not right this second. I dont start my new job for a few months. My fiance suggests that we get married in Hawaii just the two of us. But I cant help but to picture the disapponted faces of my mom and dad...even my little brothers and sisters. WHAT A MESS!!! It is a lose lose situation. I get married in Hawaii my dad wont walk me down the aisle and my mom wont be there...I attempt to pay off this wedding...I lose an entire down payment on a house( or whatever I would have used that money on!! I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown! AND THIS IS MY BDAY WEEK...BREATHE BREATHE! I have no idea what I should be doing. I need sanity. I want to tell my mom but I just dont know how...
So thats the way the cookie crumbles fellow bloggers. Please forgive me for my long absence. I had forgotten how good it felt to let it all out and send this through this endless information hwy. Its like yelling at the top of a mountain. If anyone reads this ANY ADVICE HELPS....
"And when you scan the radio I hope this song will guide you home"
Such Great Heights by Postal Service
First of all, I am over-consumed in my classes like I have been for 95% of my life. Anatomy of the Human Skeleton...YUCK! I have taken 5 chemistry courses, countless of bio courses (from genetetics to microbiology), every math you can think of and I have YET to have a course as difficult as Anatomy Of the Human Skeleton. I wish I could show you my exam. He basically hands you a bone fragment and says "You have 20 seconds to tell me where this belongs and what it articulates with" YIKES! Even worse his study guide had over 100 key terms and bones....Now ask me how many questions were on there? Go ahead ask me....20!!!!!! Thats right 20 questions. So I basically over-studied, over exhausted myself, lost what felt like a decade of sleep for 20 questions. I do have one good thing to say about this class, my professor is HOTTTTT and officially Twisted Panties new neighbor. Now I am an engaged woman but eye candy can be quite pleasant. Definately satifies my sweet tooth!
Moving on....
I was offered a FANTASTIC job! This is the opportunity of a lifetime. A salary I never dreamed of making and connections for the future. My friends and family are really excited for me. Perfect right? Wrong!! I dont exactly know what is happening to me. I am not excited. All of a sudden I look at my academic career and feel like I have made a terrible mistake. I will have 2 degrees soon, a great job, but an incredible sense of failure. All of my life my father has pushed me towards the direction Im in. He chose my career. Made sure to pick the "safe" stable way to go. You have to believe me when I say that I had every intention of following my dreams, but it suddenly just became too hard. I didnt want to fight anymore. So I let the undertow take me along the path that had been chosen for me. Sounds ridiculous, a grown woman still doing what her daddy says is right. Well now I look at it all and feel like things should have been different. I should have fought that fight. All this time I blamed my father, but truth be told I was a coward. Regrets, Regrets, Regrets....What could I have done with my life? Couldnt tell you. I am not even sure I could tell you what my likes and dislikes are. I feel programmed. Maybe I should take a step towards self discovery. WOW sounds cheesy. I sound like I need a spot on Dawson's Creek. lol
Finally...My wedding...
Ok so a few days ago I recieve a call from my future mother-in-law with some interesting news. Now you need some background information. My future in-laws graciously offered to pay for mine and my fiances wedding. HOWEVER....a few days ago the bomb was dropped on me that they will not. My wedding is supposed ot take place in October...DEPOSITS HAVE BEEN MADE....PAYMENTS HAVE BEEN GIVEN....So I now have an incredible sense of panic taking over me. What do I do? I cant afford a $12000 wedding. Atleast not right this second. I dont start my new job for a few months. My fiance suggests that we get married in Hawaii just the two of us. But I cant help but to picture the disapponted faces of my mom and dad...even my little brothers and sisters. WHAT A MESS!!! It is a lose lose situation. I get married in Hawaii my dad wont walk me down the aisle and my mom wont be there...I attempt to pay off this wedding...I lose an entire down payment on a house( or whatever I would have used that money on!! I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown! AND THIS IS MY BDAY WEEK...BREATHE BREATHE! I have no idea what I should be doing. I need sanity. I want to tell my mom but I just dont know how...
So thats the way the cookie crumbles fellow bloggers. Please forgive me for my long absence. I had forgotten how good it felt to let it all out and send this through this endless information hwy. Its like yelling at the top of a mountain. If anyone reads this ANY ADVICE HELPS....
"And when you scan the radio I hope this song will guide you home"
Such Great Heights by Postal Service
Ummmm...glad you're back? Yikes. Give me a few, okay?
Posted by
CruiserMel |
8:25 PM
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